


The Pale Seduction of Karkat Vantas

by Toki_Blade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Stupid coding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 09:25:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1342108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toki_Blade/pseuds/Toki_Blade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan.</p>
<p>Eridan Ampora.</p>
<p>The only sap in this place who was a bigger tool than Karkat himself.</p>
<p>Eridan Fucking Ampora.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pale Seduction of Karkat Vantas

**Author's Note:**

> I should be writing my main fic instead of these things; I am not.
> 
> Also coding is stupid and I hate it.

The last few week on the meteor had been weird to say the least.

The humans were still stupid and his subordinates were still useless, yes. But something just hadn’t been... right.

For one thing Terezi had been spending _way_ too much time talking to that Dave human, and it was starting to piss Karkat off.

For another Gamzee had decided to build his own personal pile of horns in the center of the common room, but Karkat decided that wasn’t actually too out of the norm for him.

The final (major) thing, Karkat wasn’t really sure he wanted to acknowledge the existence of.

Eridan.

Eridan Ampora.

The only sap in this place who was a bigger tool than Karkat himself.

Eridan Fucking Ampora.

The fuck had always been subtly (read not so subtly) been hitting on him (and basically everyone else) in all manners of the word.

Also assuming that everyone had the hots for him when they clearly didn’t.

Recently though, he’d been talking to Karkat about more _personal_ things.

They’d always been ‘friends’ in a sense of the word and Karkat honestly didn’t mind letting the guy rant every now and then and giving him some advice because that’s what a good leader (and decent friend) did.

But that didn’t mean he wanted to be the guy’s moirail.

He’d tried being offhanded about it but then he’d gone straight for the kill and asked Ampora if he knew that their friendship was ‘strictly platonic’.

All he’d gotten was an “ ‘A course, Kar.”

Karkat was a little skeptical that Eridan was actually listening to him and wasn’t just brushing him off or something but he’d let it slide.

For now.

But now Eridan was going on about how Feferi was hanging out with Sollux and how that sucked and then (and _then_ ) he’d ask how Karkat was doing.

The nerve.

The _nerve_.

Like they were in the workings of some sort of- of- _pale courtship_.

The thought disturbed him more than it would have if their current alliance didn’t resemble moirallegiance as much as it did.

It was disgusting.

Having an allusion of being moirails. 

And _Eridan_ (if it was even what he was doing) flirting so _hopelessly_ with blatant pale intentions and courting without even _notifying_ Karkat of his purpose. 

It was barbaric, is what it was.

And Karkat needed to do something about it.

He knew Eridan needed _someone_ to keep talking to or he would probably snap or something. If the rest of the team wasn’t trying to avoid him (if he wasn’t such an enormous _tool_ ) then Karkat could just siphon off talking to him until the dude got the hint.

But with how unstable the guy was that wasn’t exactly the best course of action.

Though that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do it if the measures called for such drastic actions.

Karkat was going to be the responsible troll. He would ask Eridan precisely what his  intentions were.

If it did, in fact, turn out that he was trying for some deranged pale quadrant, well, Karkat would put an end to that presently.

carcinoGeneticist  [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium  [CA]

CG: AMPORA..

CG: ERIDAN.

CG: FUCK YOU, AMPORA, ANSWER ME.

CA: oh

CA: hey kar

CA: wwhats up

CG: WE NEED TO FUCKING TALK.

CG: AND BY WE I MEAN YOU.

CG: AND BY TALK I MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS.

CA: uh

CA: okay i guess

CA: but kar

CA: before you start theres been somthin ivve been meanin to ask you about

CA: like somethin important

CG: NO ERIDAN.

CG: YOU’RE GOING TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS.

CG: NOW.

CG: AND IF I’M COMPLETELY WRONG YOU NEED TO TELL ME SO THAT I CAN GO AND HIDE IN MY OWN SHITCASE OF A ROOM AND NEVER SHOW MY FACE AGAIN.

CG: BECAUSE I COULD BE WRONG HERE.

CG: I COULD BE SO COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY SELF ABSORBED ASSHOLE AND BE COMPLETELY MISSING THE MARK HERE.

CG: NOT LIKE THAT HASN’T HAPPENED BEFORE.

CA: wwhat

CA: no kar

CA: you could nevver be self absorbed

CG: FUCK.

CG: THIS IS BAD.

CA: kar im bein serious

CA: you shouldnt be so hard on yourself

CA: i mean you help me all the time

CA: and youre a pretty good leader

CG: NO.

CG: STOP THAT.

CG: THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

CA: im not sure i followw

CA: kar wwhat are you evven talkin about

CG: YOU

CG: THIS

CG: FUCK.

CG: OKAY.

CG: I’M JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD AND ASK.

CG: ERIDAN.

CG: ARE YOU PALE FLIRTING WITH ME?

CG: ERIDAN.

CG: ERIDAN?

CG: ANSWER ME FUCKNUGGET.

CA: yes

CA: okay?

CA: yeah i am

CG: OH.

CA: i mean

CA: i wwas tryin to be all subtle about it

CA: like you wwernt suposed to knoww yet

CA: but then id tell you 

CA: and by then youd feel the same

CA: so itd be okay

CA: and then wwed be pale

CA: and none a this wwould evven matter

CA: and wwe could look back an laugh at it

CG: WAIT.

CG: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’D FEEL THE SAME?

CA: wwell i mean

CA: come on kar

CA: wwere pretty much already there

CA: you wwere bound to realize evventually

CA: an noww you havve

CA: so wwere good

CA: i mean

CG: WAIT.

CG: NO.

CG: FUCK YOU.

CA: kar wwhat

CG: YOU CAN’T JUST ASSUME THAT

CG: YOU CAN’T JUST THINK THAT I WOULD MAGICALLY FALL IN DIAMONDS WITH YOU.

CG: THAT ALL YOU’D HAVE TO DO IS COMPLAIN TO ME AND ASK ME HOW I WAS DOING AND SUDDENLY THAT MAKES US FUCKING PALE OR SOMETHING.

CG: YOU CAN’T HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT.

CG: YOU CAN’T HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO MOIRALLEGIANCE.

CG: CAN YOU?

CA: wwell i mean

CA: wwhat else is there

CA: thats howw me an fef did it

CG: YEAH.

CG: AND LOOK HOW FUCKING WELL THAT WORKED OUT FOR YOU.

CA: hey noww

CG: AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘WHAT ELSE IS THERE’?

CG: WERE YOU DROPPED ON YOUR HEAD AS A GRUBB?

CG: ARE YOU MENTALLY IMPARED OR SOMETHING?

CG: WHAT ELSE IS THERE.

CG: FUCK YOU.

CG: MOIRALLEGIANCE IS *THE* MOST IMPORTANT QUADRANT.

CG: IT’S THE QUADRANT THAT KEEPS US ALL FROM GOING CRAZY.

CG: IT’S THE ONE THAT KEEPS YOU GROUNDED.

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE’D BE IF WE DIDN’T HAVE MOIRALLEGIANCE?

CG: DEAD THAT’S WHERE.

CG: FUCKING DEAD TO THE WORLD BECAUSE SOME FUCKER DIDN’T HAVE A MOIRAIL TO CALM HIM DOWN AND TELL HIM *NOT* TO KILL EVERYONE.

CG: THE PALE QUADRANT IS SPECIAL AND DELICATE AND YOU CAN’T JUST SHIT ON IT LIKE EVERY OTHER QUADRANT.

CG: SO FUCK YOU FOR THINKING YOU COULD.

CG: FUCK YOU FOR THINKING THAT IT’S THAT EASY.

CG: THAT THERE’S NOT A SHIT TON OF TRUST INVOLVED.

CG: THAT YOU CAN JUST HALFASS YOUR WAY THROUGH THIS QUADRANT LIKE YOU DO WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.

CA: hey noww

CA: dont you think youre bein a little harsh

CA: i mean its just a quadrant kar

CA: calm dowwn

CG: YOU 

CG: I

CG: *JUST* A QUADRANT?

CG: *JUST A FUCKING QUADRANT*?

CG: FUCK YOU IN THE BREATHING TUBE.

CG: MOIRALLEGIANCE IS NOT ‘JUST A QUADRANT’.

CG: DID YOU LISTEN TO ANYTHING I JUST SAID?

CG: AND DON’T YOU TELL ME TO ‘CALM DOWWN’.

CG: CONTRARY TO YOUR BELIEF I AM *NOT* YOUR MOIRAIL AND I WON’T EVER BE SO YOU CAN JUST FUCK OFF.

CG: FUCK YOU.

CA: kar wait

CA: im sorry

CA: just calm down

 

carcinoGeneticist  [CG] has blocked caligulasAquarium  [CA]

“I’m done with this bullshit.” Karkat said, and stood from his computer. He turned to walk away. Full intent to go to his room and hide there for the rest of the week.

“Kar! Wait!” Eridan called out.

Karkat groaned and turned around, he opened his mouth to respond but his voice caught in his throat.

Eridan had his arms stretched out in front of him and his two of his fingers forming the shape of a diamond. He swayed his hips back and forth and side to side, then thrust them forward a bit and rolled them.

“What the fuck is that?” Asked Karkat, “Some sort of pale seduction dance?”

“Yes.” Said Eridan, “It is. Is it workin’? Do you pity me?”

Karkat pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes, tilting his head a bit. “You know what? I actually kind of do. Good bye Eridan.” He left the room as quickly as he could, heading for his block.

Karkat wasn’t sure how long he’d spent in his room but it was long enough to get through at least half of his rom com collection.

So it had been more than ‘a while’.

He’d mostly been going through the pale centric ones and muttering to himself “There, see? _That’s_ what it’s supposed to look like.”

The half assed pale attempt that Eridan had tried with him was simply disgusting. Not romantic at all. That he’d just _assumed_ that Karkat would feel the same. That he hadn’t even _tried_. 

That all he’d done was complain and thought that doing so made them moirails.

He was so angry he thought he might be sick.

And the worst part was that if Eridan had actually been a fucking _gentleman_ Karkat might have given him a chance.

One chance.

One date.

Maybe.

But he had blown his chance before he even got it.

Karkat burrowed further into his blanket as the next movie started.

But then someone knocked at his door.

He groaned.

“Go the fuck away,” he called, “I’m sure you fuckwits can survive without me for another few hours.”

He turned his attention back to the screen.

The knock sounded again.

“ _What_?” he grumbled, finally making it to his feet, “What could you possible want-?”

“Kar?” a weak voice sounded out. “Karkat, can we talk?”

Karkat froze mere steps away from the door. Arm half outstretched.

Eridan.

Fucking Ampora.

“Fuck no,” Karkat gripped, “we can’t _talk_. All talking between us is done and over with indefinitely. Go away.”

“Kar- _please_. I wanted- I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t’ve acted like I did. ‘A course I know that moirallegiance is an important quadrant. An’ I shouldn’t’ve said what I said because ‘a _course_ you have a say in this. I was just- it was more like I was warming you up to the idea? So when I asked you might not be as adverse? I’uno Kar. I just- I said some stupid things, yeah. But, I really do like you.”

Was Eridan Ampora actually _apologising_? Karkat gnawed at his lower lip, his eyebrows drawn together. “Moirallegiance is _really_ important Eridan.”

“I _know_ ,” came the muffled reply, “An’ I’m _sorry_. I know the quadrants are important to you an’ I should’ve respected that more than I did. So m’sorry.”

His lips pursed together. “This better not be one of your stupid fleeting crushes because if it is I swear, I’ll-”

“No!” Eridan cried, “no, Kar- it’s- I’m really serious about this Kar.”

Karkat bit his lip.

He opened the door.

Eridan stood there pathetic as always.

(Maybe that’s why he was doing this.)

“This doesn’t mean we’re a thing.” He said, squinting up at the other boy.

“No, no, I know.” Eridan was already beaming.

“This isn’t a yes,” Karkat clarified. “This is a maybe. This is a ‘we’ll try it once and if it goes bad then we’re done. No more trying. No more pushing. Done.”

“Yeah,” said Eridan, nodding, “Okay. That’s fair.”

“You’re not going to go off and tell everybody. If it works the first time then we might try again but that doesn’t mean we’re a thing. We’re not a thing until both of us agree to being a thing and until then you don’t breath a word of this to anyone, got that?”

Eridan nodded again, “Yeah fine. That’s fine. I got Kar.”

Karkat narrowed his eyes a bit, eyeing the other troll up and down.

Eventually he sighed, defeated, and stepped aside.

“Well, come in I guess. We’re watching movies.”

Eridan practically skipped in.

“If you make fun of my movie’s that’s the end of everything, got that?”

Eridan simply hummed and made himself comfortable on the floor.

Karkat huffed but situated himself next to the other and started up the movie.

“ _Oh_ ,” breathed Eridan, “I love this one.”

Karkat eyed him but didn’t say anything.

They could try it, he supposed.

It might work. 

Maybe.


End file.
